Wednesday, November 11, 2009

She sits alone by a lampost, trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind

"Nothing is more sacred as the bond between a horse and a rider. No other creature can ever become so emotionally close to a human as a horse. When a horse dies, the memory lives on, because an enormous part of his owner's heart, soul, and the very existence dies also."
- Stephanie M Thorn

I needed today. I needed to wrap myself up in my head and withdrawl into my own world. I went to the park and pounded the pavement with my asics. I ran it four times stopping twice at the abandoned playground to swing on the swing sets. The wind was cool and the sky was threatening and all I could think was, "I should have swung more when I was a little kid". I love swing sets, I always have. Whenever I see them I get giddy and can't resist the urge to go for a little swing.

We rode out to the back pasture. I slipped his tack off and laid in the grass, resting my head on my well worn saddle. Savoring the smell of leather, horse, and earth. He grazed in close proximity to me, occasionally nuzzling me or waking me with soft, warm puffs of air on my cheek.

Sometimes I look at him and I try to picture my life without him.
In thirty years I'll be rounding fifty and he'll be gone. I can't imagine those times. Lines on my face, wisdom behind my eyes, my skin tan and scarred from years of living.

In thirty years the best teacher in my life will be gone and I can't even begin to cope with that idea. You'll have to drug me, I swear.

I spent the day outside with my favorite men whispering in my ears through neon orange speakers (Gary Allan, Jason Aldean, Journey). I made the executive decision to keep my phone off all day. I needed a break from all forms of human contact. I needed to soak up the day and screw my head on straight. I finally turned it on about nineteentwenty to a voicemail from a best friend. She put her horse down this evening from complications with EPM and cancer. He was such a great horse and I respect the hell out of her for everything she did to keep him happy as long as possible. Rest In Peace Tommy, you'll be missed love.

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