Tuesday, December 15, 2009

When it rains it pours and opens doors and floods the floors we always thought would keep us dry.

I've slowly started to pack. First the artwork. I have an entire box full of paintings. My paintings. I flipped through them and I was content. For once I didn't pick apart every brush stroke. I stared at them stacked in that box and I felt proud.

They came from my mind and my hands. No one elses.

I adopted a dog today.

It's funny how seeing people die doesn't affect me. Infact, the only feeling I have is guilt for not feeling anything at all. But seeing all those dogs in those kennels with concrete floors hurt.

I kneeled down infront of A17 and stuck my fingers through the chain link gate. It was cold and I wondered how the concrete felt on his paws. He walked over and licked my fingertips. His eyes were dark and sad. A trip to the visiting area and twenty minutes later I was signing the paperwork.

On the 30th he and I will be in a new home.
I think I need that dog more than he needs me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

And from this stage I can tell she can't let go, she can't relax.

It's been a long day. My eye lids are heavy and my body is screaming. But suddenly, I can't bring myself to crawl into a cold, empty bed.
I have no idea what I'm saying.
Do you ever have that feeling something is going to go bad. Not just bad, really, really, earth shatteringly bad?
I get that. A lot actually.
I think I spend more time preparing for it than I do living.

but god willing, it'll be during a run.