Wednesday, April 7, 2010

"L.A. lights never shine quite as bright as in the movies
Still wanna go?
'Cause something here
In the way, in the way that we're constantly moving
Reminds you of home

So you're taking these pills
For to fill up your soul
And you're drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that you're making
But me, I'm the catalyst

When you say love is a simple chemical reaction
Can't say I agree
'Cause my chemical, yeah, left me a beautiful disaster
Still love's all I see

So I'm taking these pills for to fill up my soul
And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that I'm making
But you, you're the catalyst"

Today was hard. Harder than I thought and as I sat there waiting with all the other people waiting and hoping it all wasn't real and we were somewhere else and all the unfamiliar faces were just in our heads and tv screens and wooden doors didn't mean as much as they meant at that moment.

I'm stubborn and I'm fierce and god I'm a force to be reckoned with but even a hurricane needs the ocean. and sometimes the ocean needs a little help from mother nature and that's what he was supposed to be; mother nature. I'm my own ocean, I'm my own force but just letting me be and taking me for what I am would is nice.

I don't believe in fairy tales and I don't believe in happily ever after. No one held my hand before this and no one will after and truthfully I like to keep my arms swinging at my side, at my pace, freely.

But I'm hurt and as much as I hate that word and using it to describe how I feel I'm at a loss for what else to say. I expected more, I expected something better and I expected something completely different because like that big rock in the night sky things like that only happen once every seventy five years.

i'm angry because I know I don't need someone but my back up plan, my oh-shit bar, my plan C through Z has holes.

She's my person and I'm her person
Meredith and Christina

Ring the bells that can still ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

Thats how the light gets in

- leonard cohen

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