It's friday night, I'm no where near an ambulance and I couldn't be more thrilled. So, after my run, short bike ride, and inconvenient drive because of an ego that's entirely too big for that small town;
And by socializing I mean consuming a comfy brown leather chair at starbucks with my journal and three dollar book I left with when I went to the depths of literacy hell (BAM) to scower home magazines; add bits and pieces to the interior of our future house four miles away. I can't leave a book store without a book. It's my weakness. Next to cookies.
Because I do that. Amongst everything in my life, the impossible 140 hour work weeks, the exams I don't have time to study for, the faint memory sleep has become, the runs I miss like I lost my other half, my "kids" that have been neglected, and the internal whirlwinds that I'm come to the conclusion are actually a part of my dna, and the breakdowns in the shower over chapters I never actually dealt with and I closed long before the last sentence was finished- I obsess over this house.
The artwork I'll paint to match. The clever sculptures and pillows I'll craft. The swing on the front porch I'll spend hours on. The guest room. The color swatches. The food I'll cook in the big kitchen. the naps I'll take in the fall on the hammock with the dog in the yard, and the life I'll have.
I obess. It's what I do.
I changed my degree today after my exam and I can't help but feel like I can take a deep breath again. My wheels are moving and this is real, I'm taking a step in the right direction and it just feels, like how it's supposed to feel. I walked back to my class with my paper in hand and I smiled; I laughed.
Because I can do this and I will do this. And I'm excited to spend eight more years in school. I'm excited to immerse myself in books and something I love. And yes, I'll be "throwing away" my twenties but honestly, to me this is the best way to throw them away.
I talked to my dad this evening. He's proud of me.
I'm proud of me and of who I'm going to be, which has been a long time coming.
Grande Earl Grey hot tea non-fat latte with two shots of sugar-free vanilla and four and a half packets of splenda..
Sixteen year old me would so make fun of twenty year old me.