I'm not actually sure if we're on break of when I'm supposed to be back and I can't tell which one I am less concerned about; I'm three stories up and surrounded by some of the best (and admittingly worst) literature and the sound of ticking keyboards on campus. Everytime I'm here I'm reminded of the city library and museum literally a block from my house and I have this overwhelming urge to spend hours in both. And sadly, I've yet to do either.

The sky is gray and in turn the world seems to be a little more mundane. Cars are a little darker, the air is a little more cool, the breeze is slightly stronger, and the clouds are a little more harsh. I like mundane, I like harsh. I love stretching my legs when everything seems almost still. I sweat less, my lungs fill more, and my brain unwinds. Look at me, all Meredith "dark and twisty".

"Humans were made to run" -Alberto Salazar's Guide to Running.

Speaking of, yesterday I walked in th hosue and unzipped my boots after a long twenty four hours of no sleep and a sad, sad excuse for a meal. I couldn't tell what was more heavy; my eyes or my (textbook filled) backpack. But I didn't want to wait for a fight and I certainly wasn't in the mood to entertain an ego so I slipped out of my jumpsuit and into my asics, leashed the wild animal and started out for a run. One small lake, weaving through the entire historic residential area, and one very very large lake later, we were home; he almost dragging his tongue between his paws and me with sweat accumilating in my shirt and feeling a little more lighter and a lot more relaxed. I enjoy moments like that the most; I get to step out of my life and away from the responsibility and headache of all the people, stress, and self-induced anxiety.

Our cute and innocent bunny was compared to a raptor this morning testing the containment fencing in Jurassic Park. But this time it's not my fault because technically, I didn't pick him. I just picked what I wanted him to look like. The queen diva/prettiest-girl-in-the-pagent gelding, tail-less gecko, and daddy issue dog; those were my bad.

eh, I should probably head back to class.

I have this thing for as he calls it, "twine jewelry". I prefer to call it "natural" rather than hippie because a. I hate hippies and b. I shower regularly and c. I don't do drugs. It's plain but personal and  it's rugged rather than pretenious.
And most of all, it's cheap.

Twine jewelry, old books, grocery shopping, hot tea, cookies, "distressed" wood furniture, running, outdoors, keeping the cap ON the shaving cream can in the shower, sunflowers, and really really great cupcakes. Those are some of my things.

I'm in the campus library again.

I find spending my lunch break surrounded by books is so much more fullfilling than mulling over over-priced, mediocore cafeteria food, with people I see far too much of anyway.

I'm done with adult protocol practicals.
What? Is that a light at the end of the tunnel? or is that just my aneurysm.
(Fact: one in fifteen people in the united states will develop a brain aneurysm. Most commonly detected between the ages of 35 to 60 with a ratio women vs men at 3:2)

In case you were curious, engagement ring shopping is hard.

Especially when you were the girl who grew up thinking you'd never get married because you're too wild to be tied down and too hell bent on your independence to rely on another-anything. Instead of playing barbies and dreaming of napkin hews, flower arrangements, and making a mental checklist of your future husband; I played 'Nam in the woods behind the house and constructed elaborate forts inbetween soccer practice. Mother nature was my playground, not a dollhouse.

but I don't think it's about being tied down, tamed, or losing your independence.
I think it's about finding someone, as cheesy as this may be to quote (my hero) Ms. Sarah Jessica Parker, "Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they’re supposed to run wild until they find someone — just as wild — to run with."
Have you thrown up yet from how sappy that was?
Which reminds me- I started my diet today.

It'll probably last until Wednesday.
On a glass-half full note, the massive school ride alongs I had scheduled that have almost all but been completely canceled. So during spring break on both days it was canceled, I ran eight miles each. Love love love. Relaxing, unplanned, runs. I love how limber I feel the next day.



split shank, cathedral, princess cut, oy, I don't know. I just want to wear it.


I'm catching myself smiling more. My hair is still falling out from stress and I have more pent up anxiety than a chihuaha in a dog cage all day but there's periods of intermittent, unprovoked smiling.

I had another cancellation this morning.

I left, grabbed my cell phone, put on my running shoes and started running.


And then there they were; wet, cute, and bee-boppin' right over to me. Sans owners. What, do I have "sucker" written on my forehead  when it comes to strays? I couldn't ignore them and I certainly couldn't let them keep roaming around unsupervised. Especially with traffic so close and faces that cute.
I'm disappointed in microchips and rabies tags because neither helped me find the owner.

Luckily this older lesbian couple stopped and asked if I needed help. They ended up bringing their truck over and the two rather large dogs piled in my lap for the short ride home.

They loved the car ride and apparently were quite partial to me, but not so much my veggie burger. We went to my vet with no avail and finally, I made contact with the owner. He was an older, sweet man with a mustache who was thankful his boys were alright. He offered me money and I tried to say no but then his eyes whelled up and he kept saying please and pushing the money at me. He said it wasn't much with these  with big sad eyes.


Today was really bad until they bee-bopped their way into my life. Then suddenly I realized, it's going to work out. Eventually. It'll be tough but it'll be alright. Take a breath.

I ran a lot today. I went back to the lake and ran it again. I people watched, analyzing passer-bys posture and running shoes. I'm a running snob.

Then I leashed up tank and we went winding through the historic neighborhoods, snapping camera phone pictures of houses for rent or sale. We weaved without any sort of reason and the sun peeked through the trees and inbetween the houses.

hoofed over eight miles in my asics today. Surreal doesn't even begin to describe it.
I missed me.

I ran a billion errands and did an hour of core/upper body training and ended today with a lovely bike ride up to starbucks (where I currently am) waiting on him to come pick me up.

there was even grocery shopping. Have I ever mentioned how much I adore grocery shopping? It's kind of my thing. Some girls love shoes and strip-malls but I love organic and our grocery store. They play music like phil collins and the cranberries and I wander down the isles, taking in the smells, calculating the sales, fantasizing all the new adn delicious foods I'll cook in my new house.



today was absolutely lovely and you know what? I am genuinely happy.
My hair is falling out I'm so stressed, I don't sleep, and my eating habits are anything but habits, but I can't stop smiling. Hello 2011, I think I love you.

Listen, I'll be honest here, I make some bomb-ass oatmeal.

Old fashioned oatmeal
skim milk
frozen banana's and strawberries
cashews and almonds
splenda brown sugar
Mona's granola or small amount of Special K vanilla almond flakes



holy-moley, there are few things more heavenly at one am that that bowl of clouds and rainbows.




Apparently dispatch is now calling the homeless, "outdoor residents".

We tried on engagement rings/wedding bands.



insert girl moment here

<♥>

Today was perfect.





Absolutely perfect.

• Feelings of panic, fear, and uneasiness
• Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts
• Repeated thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences
• Nightmares
• Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing
• Problems sleeping
• Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet
• Shortness of breath
• Palpitations
• An inability to be still and calm
• Dry mouth
• Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
• Nausea
• Muscle tension
• Dizziness

Say hello to the new love of my life, Garth.

It's friday night, my obligations are done and despite the all too tempting opportunity; I decided to be a responsible paramedic student and only lost an hour for the inconvenience.

So, I'm at starbucks sitting outside because a.) it's gorgeous out with a lovely breeze that's borderline chilly and b.) there's no seats inside.

Grande chai tea latte with non-fat milk (I call it fat free, non-fat just sounds like an asshole).
Can't be too bad for me, especially considering the only food Ive eaten today has been a mini corn muffin on my way out the door and a Quaker chewy bar. I also don't plan on eating for the rest of the night. Well, not so much plan, but I'm simply not hungry. I was hoping my bff would meet me up here because I miss him something serious and I have things I want to tell him, things I want to ramble about and I miss his face.

I ran twice today which, is pretty unheard of whilst working on this twenty-four/forty-eight shift and medic school full time. But it happened and my skin seems to fit right again.
I spend my life focusing on things I can't control and spazzing out of my own flesh, sometimes it's nice to settle into my bones; let my mind take a breather and my nerves cool.

I also slept for eleven hours. That doesn't happen either. I'm on my thirtieth (give or take) day of work in a row and the most sleep I've gotten has been somewhere around four to no hours of sleep a night. I didn't even remember him coming home.

"Running in the morning has me appreciate all the choices that come later in the day. The choices I make after running seem healthier, wiser and kinder." -Deena Kastor